


home or with you (it's the same)

by mixtapestar



Category: Lovely Little Losers, Nothing Much to Do
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-28
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-28 13:56:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5093297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mixtapestar/pseuds/mixtapestar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Ben posts PUNISHMENT, Peter has to figure out what he's going to do next.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the fic I wrote to cope after PUNISHMENT. I almost never post works in progress, but I know the show is going to diverge from this idea soon, so I wanted to get it out there in the world.
> 
> FYI:  
> 25° C = 77° F

Peter is so upset after Ben punishes them that he almost starts packing immediately. He only agreed to these rules because he thought they'd keep him motivated to get himself together, but now Balthazar is hurting and there's nothing he can do to fix it. He goes so far as to pull out a duffel bag and throw some clothes in before he realizes he can't leave without Balthazar.

He goes to his door and turns back three times before deciding just to text. He doesn't want to pressure Balthazar one way or another.

 **Peter**  
so what d'you reckon?  
I've got a friend w a couch we could probably crash on if I called in a favor

Five agonizingly long minutes pass without a response. Peter eventually sends a follow-up text.

 **Peter**  
I'm not saying we have to move out  
but if you go then I'll go  
we have options

Balthazar's response finally comes a full two minutes later.

 **Balthazar**  
I don't want to move out.

Peter sighs. He should've known better. At least Balthazar was still speaking to him in some way.

He stares blankly at Faustus, reading the same lines over and over with nothing sticking, until he hears another chime.

 **Balthazar**  
are you going to?  
**Peter**  
not without you.

Peter's chest aches as he sends his reply. He could never walk away from Balthazar when he's hurting like this. He can't believe Balthazar doesn't know that.

He starts to walk over to Balthazar's room a thousand times, but keeps talking himself out of it. He's not sure what he’s more afraid of: what Balthazar will say or the possibility that he won't let Peter in at all. He can't think of anything further to text that he doesn't immediately hate, so he figures that's a sign to leave well enough alone.

*** 

The flat is practically silent over the next few days. Balthazar looks smaller than Peter has ever seen him, and Peter just glares at Ben whenever they cross paths.

He's at Faustus rehearsal the next time Balthazar comes close to speaking to him, as his phone chimes with a text message. He's trying to figure out a way to make a chair move smoothly with him in it according to Costa’s direction, and he uses the chime as an excuse to take a much needed break. 

**Balthazar**  
there's a guy at boyet's that is actually using socks as gloves

Peter laughs and ignores Costa's protests as he steps outside.

 **Peter**  
that's amazing. and it's like 25 out. pics?  
**Balthazar**  
unfortunately he just left  
but it was a sight to behold  
**Peter**  
maybe he was hiding something  
wolverine claws  
**Balthazar**  
feet shaped hands?  
**Peter**  
lmao  
tentacles???   
**Balthazar**  
lol

Peter feels better than he has in days. He knows if he doesn't get back to practice soon, Costa will literally drag him back, so he quickly sends one last question.

 **Peter**  
at faustus. when will you be heading home?  
**Balthazar**  
probably soon. got a paper due in two days that I haven't started  
**Peter**  
see you there  
need anything from this side of town?  
**Balthazar**  
you could get some soy chicken from the asian market if you want  
just make sure you spend your own money or we'll probably have to eat dirt for like a week  
**Peter**  
you got it

Peter is smiling when he goes back to rehearsal. For the first time, he feels like he can deal with Costa’s epic vision for the play, even when he has to make a chair into a getaway vehicle.

*** 

Balthazar makes them a stir-fry with the soy chicken the next night, forcing the extended flat to try to get along for an entire meal. It gets off to a rocky start when Ben tries to set up the camera to capture them all getting along, but Freddie reminds him that they agreed no camera at meals.

"You might try living your life for an hour _without_ it all being recorded," Peter suggests.

Ben starts to splutter out a rebuttal, but Beatrice quickly distracts him with a story about Hero.

Tempers start to improve once everyone starts eating, as they all go crazy over the meal.

"This is the best vegan dinner I have _ever_ had," Meg says definitively.

"Yeah, really amazing, Balth," Ben says with a huge smile.

"Um," Freddie begins, and Peter can see her question coming by her hesitance, "sorry to be a buzzkill, but did this come out of the flat budget?"

"Oh yeah, no," Balthazar says, "you should all really be thanking Pete. He donated the chicken."

Peter waves him off. "You did the hard part. Seriously, this is awesome."

Balthazar ducks his head, smiling. "Thanks, guys."

Peter doesn't look away, enjoying seeing Balthazar smile again, so he catches Balthazar's eye when he glances back up again. He feels that familiar jolt that comes from eye contact with Balthazar and has to be the one to look away this time. That look doesn't mean what he wants it to mean, and he has to remember that.

He volunteers to do dishes that night. Everyone goes to pile on the couch and watch a movie, but Peter's got a shift at Navarre Bar tonight, so it only makes sense to let them get started.

Even with the water running, he can hear the sounds of them arguing over the movie choice. Balthazar reappears before long and pulls the popcorn bowl down from the cabinet.

"Have they reached a verdict in there?" Peter asks.

"It's a toss-up between _Spaceballs_ and _27 Dresses_."

"Meg?" Peter asks when he hears the second option, laughing.

"She makes a compelling argument," Balthazar says, smirking. Peter half-watches him as he gets the popcorn started, but looks away before he can turn around. "’Sides,” Balthazar continues, "I'd rather save _Spaceballs_ for when you're around."

Peter glances back, but Balthazar is still watching the microwave intently. "We could watch it together, sometime later." He tries to say it flippantly, but at this point he has no gauge when it comes to Balthazar.

Balthazar laughs and cuts his eyes at Peter. "Yeah, only if you promise not to ruin it with almost-accurate quotes."

"Hey now," Peter says, trying to splash water at Balthazar, who dodges as he takes the popcorn from the microwave. "My quotes are only ever 100% accurate."

"Uh huh. This from the guy who thought it was '1.21 gigabytes' in _Back to the Future_."

"That wasn't my fault!" Peter says through his laughter. "John had it wrong, I just picked it up from him!"

"Balthazar!" comes an imploring voice from the other room. "Come be our tiebreaker!"

Balthazar pours the popcorn in the bowl and shrugs his shoulders. As he disappears back into the living area, Peter hears him say, "I dunno, I think I'm favoring _27 Dresses_."

Next comes the groan from Bea and Ben and the crow of victory from Meg and Freddie. Peter smiles to himself, feeling a victory of his own.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter finds a way to work around the rules, but his flatmates aren't having as much luck.

It’s such a small thing, but the expectation of watching a movie with Balthazar helps Peter get through the next few days.

On Wednesday, when he’s wrapping up his last class of the day, he shoots Balthazar a text.

 **Peter**  
everything happening is happening now!  
**Balthazar**  
are you misquoting Spaceballs at me?

Peter smiles. He knew Balthazar would get it.

 **Peter**  
only way to prove it is to watch the movie. tonight?  
**Balthazar**  
can’t do tonight  
tomorrow night?  
**Peter**  
shift at navarre 

Balthazar doesn’t respond right away, and Peter feels his good mood fading. Maybe he shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up.

His phone chimes again on his way home.

 **Balthazar**  
we could always watch it after 10  
**Peter**  
don’t you have class early tomorrow?  
**Balthazar**  
I’ll be alright 

They wind up setting up the computer in Peter's room that night and watching on his bed. Balthazar follows up most of Peter's favorite lines with a garbled version of them. Peter throws popcorn at him and never stops laughing.

The next morning he wakes up feeling rested and happy. He realizes that he finally had a moment with Balthazar where he could relax and have fun without worrying about what he might say or do. Balthazar knows how he feels now, and they can move past it. Maybe if they keep hanging out, Balthazar will remember how great it is between the two of them.

With that in mind, Peter waits for a day when he knows Balthazar doesn't have much schoolwork to do. Unfortunately Balth stays in his room with his door shut, plucking on his ukulele, throwing a wrench into Peter’s plan to wander by and nonchalantly invite him out.

After waiting about half an hour on the couch, Peter decides just to text. 

**Peter**  
I've got to get out of this flat or I'm going to go insane

The sound of a distant ukulele stops, and Balthazar's door opens soon after.

"Boyet's?" Balthazar suggests, and Peter tries not to rush to say yes.

Peter's feeling pretty good about his plan until they get there and Kit is working. He doesn't have anything against the guy really. But he was or is Balthazar's kind-of-a-boyfriend, and Peter can't help but begrudge him that. He had been so relieved when Kit found somewhere else to stay than their back garden, though he still feels guilty about the whole situation.

They both get lattes and find a table off in a corner. Kit stops by for a few minutes to chat on his break, sneaking them a spare cupcake, but soon he has to go back to work.

Freddie shows up not even ten minutes later, and Peter internally curses this extra interruption. He’s quickly proved wrong, though, when she fails to hear him saying hello and goes straight for the counter. Kit, despite having just taken his break, spends an inordinate amount of time talking to her. She’s definitely slowing down the line, and Peter points this out to Balthazar.

“I don’t think Fred really minds,” Balthazar says. Peter isn’t sure whether he means Fred the owner or Fred their flatmate.

“Oh my god,” Peter realizes as Freddie leans slightly over the counter, “they’re flirting.”

“Yeah,” Balthazar says, so easily that he’s obviously not surprised.

“Does that not bother you?”

Balthazar shrugs. “Why would it bother me?”

Peter doesn’t know where to start. “I just—aren’t y—weren’t you… dating?”

“Nah,” Balthazar responds with a small laugh. “Ben always played up the joke like we were going out, but we never were." His eyes drift over to Freddie and Kit, and a smile edges onto his face. “You think there’s something already going on between them?”

"She does come here a lot," Peter points out. "Do you think they're breaking the rules?"

Balthazar shrugs and seems to curl in on himself, and Peter knows he said the wrong thing.

"Sorry," Peter says with a self-deprecating laugh. "It's almost habit now." He swirls his latte in his cup and tries to picture the two of them together. "Do you think it would work, though? He's kind of..."

"Carefree?" Balthazar says with a snicker.

"Yeah," Peter says, laughing, "and she's really not."

"I think it'd work for them."

“S’pose,” Peter says. “They’d balance each other out."

"Exactly."

“Oh my god, speaking of opposites. So you know Tony?"

“Which Tony?"

“Other Tony."

“Yeah, what about him?"

“He contacted me on Facebook the other day,” Peter says.

“Yeah?”

“I mean, he and I are _so_ different, like can you imagine? That wouldn’t be a balance, that would be capsizing.”

Balthazar laughs. “So did he, like, ask you out?"

“Nah, I kinda shut him down before he had a chance.”

"'Cause of the rules?"

"Nah," Peter says. He looks at Balthazar intently. “I kind of need someone that gets me.”

Balthazar nods. "Sure, yeah. So, um, how are you getting on in Professor Windham's class? I've been meaning to ask."

"Pretty good," Peter says, allowing the change of subject. In the back of his mind, though, one thought is playing on repeat: Balthazar is definitely single.

***

One day, Beatrice finally manages to get Ben to break rule 5. Peter knew she was at least a little bit on their side after everything that happened.

He consults with Balthazar on the punishment, wanting to really make it hurt. Balthazar is, as he should have expected, more hesitant.

"I just don't want to do something that might land him in hospital," Balthazar says.

“I wouldn’t be too broken up about it,” Peter mumbles. At Balthazar’s admonishing look, he continues, “He deserves it! He uploaded that footage expressly without your consent."

Balthazar shrugs. "I told him I didn't care."

"Yeah, you _said_ that," Peter says, pursing his lips. He knew that Balthazar had just had the fight go out of him, but it didn't mean that he meant it. Ben would've known that too.

"Look, can we just scale it back a bit? What if we only do it for a day?"

"That's not a punishment, that's an all-nighter."

Balthazar sighs. "We need Freds in here to be the voice of reason."

Peter shakes his head. "She said she didn't want to be a part of it."

"Okay, what if we do two nights, three days? Over the weekend, so it's easier on us."

Peter thinks it over. One week probably is too long to go without proper sleep. "Alright, fine. But if he tries to turn it back on us we're doing a week."

Peter makes a big show of delivering the punishment in front of the camera. Ben keeps protesting that he was tricked, that this isn't fair, that it's not the same, but Peter ignores him. He's just about to announce the final decision to make Ben stay awake for two days, three nights when Freddie yells out in a rush, "Kit and I held hands last week!"

Her hand flies to her mouth immediately, her eyes flicking nervously to the camera and away again.

Peter laughs incredulously. "Are you fucking kidding me?" His eyes jump to Balthazar, who gives Freddie a congratulatory shoulder punch. Freddie just looks distraught.

"Alright," Peter says, walking over to rip the rules off the wall. One of the corners stays up, keeping rules 1, 2, and part of 3 on the wall. "This is ridiculous. We're getting rid of rule 5."

"Um..." Ben says, looking unsure.

"I don't... know..." Freddie says, looking worryingly at Balthazar.

"It's obviously not working for anyone! We don't have to get rid of it. Let's just change it to something more reasonable. What about... No shenanigans in the flat?"

It's quiet for a while as everyone looks at each other. Peter tries to stay patient, but he’s a few seconds away from pushing for an answer when Freddie comments, "I guess that could work."

"Sure," Balthazar says with a characteristic shrug.

"Does that mean we don't get punished?" Ben asks hopefully.

"No," Balthazar says sternly, even before Peter can work up a glare of proper proportions.

"Absolutely not," Peter says, agreeing with Balthazar. "You broke the old rule before it was changed. Don't think you're getting out of this."

"What about rule 6?" drifts in Bea's voice from where she was apparently listening in from the back garden.

Balthazar laughs. 

"Yeah, if we're changing rules, how about we stop making our friends sleep outside?" Ben demands.

"Fine with me," Peter agrees, looking to Balthazar to see his reaction.

"Yeah," Balthazar says, "maybe only people can stay if the whole flat approves."

"But approved guests have to follow the rules too," Freddie says. "If they don't then there's no way we'll be able to enforce order."

"Sounds fair," Peter says, and immediately he hears cheering from outside. "And apparently the flat ghosts agree."

"Great!" Ben says. "So if we're all done here, I'll just turn off--"

He stops short at the sight of Peter's glare.

“Are you gonna tell him his punishment?” Balthazar asks.

“Eh, the build-up’s gone now,” Peter says. “It’s less fun."

“Nooo, just tell meee,” Ben whines. “This is the wooorst."

Balthazar, all grins, catches Peter’s eye. “We should come up with Freddie’s punishment first, I think."

“Ooh, good idea,” Peter says, enjoying this. “Something with the camera, obviously."

“Nooo,” Freddie complains, joining Ben’s protests. “C’mon guys, the point is for the punishment to fit the crime."

“Like _our_ punishment fit the crime?” Peter says, his eyebrows raised. Freddie looks uncomfortable.

“Alright,” Balthazar cuts in, “so Freddie, constant surveillance?” he asks, confirming with Peter. “Camera on you at all times for…”

“…three days?"

“Sounds reasonable,” Balthazar agrees.

“And me?” Ben says warily.

“No sleep."

“Also three days."

“And two nights."

“What?!” Ben yells. “I can’t go without sleep for three days! I’ll die!"

“You can sleep a bit,” Balthazar amends. “But once an hour you have to get up and film a five minute vlog."

“And if you don’t do it, or you purposely wake the rest of us up, we’re extending it to a week."

“Obviously we can’t do both of these punishments at the same time,” Peter realizes, “so Ben, you’re on the hook this weekend, and Freds, your punishment starts Monday morning."

“It is decided,” Balthazar says over Ben’s protests of ‘not _this_ weekend,’ and Peter knows that’s where they’ll stop the video.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, _somebody_ said it. :P
> 
> Looks like at least 3 more chapters to go! :) I'll have the next one for you shortly!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Further excursions between Peter & Balthazar, and a study night.

With rule 5 amended, Peter takes every opportunity to invite Balthazar out. He plays up every new release at the movie theater, convincing Balthazar to go with him to a matinee and naturally getting dinner after. They also make Boyet’s visits a routine. Peter purposely avoids times when Freddie will also be there, and if Balthazar notices, he doesn’t say anything.

One evening they go into town just because it’s nice outside. Peter doesn’t necessarily miss the camera fixed on the two of them, but part of him wishes he had a way to capture how much Balthazar smiles while they’re out.

They’re sitting by the waterfront, just talking, when Peter happens to check the time on his phone. “Shit,” he exclaims as he jumps up, clearly startling Balthazar. “If we don’t want to miss curfew, we have to go _now_.”

He extends his hand to Balthazar, who hesitates for a second before standing and taking it. Together they _run_ for the train, laughing and dodging around people and darting in just as the doors close.

They grab onto a handrail as the train starts moving, out of breath and leaning on each other for support. Their laughter fades away comfortably as they scan the car for empty seats.

They find two across the aisle from each other and grab them before the next stop. “So you were saying about Neil Gaiman?” Peter says, and then they collapse into laughter again because that conversation seems so long ago.

The train ride goes by too quickly, but also apparently just quickly enough, because they get back to the flat at exactly 9:58.

“And what sort of time do you call this?” Ben demands as soon as they get inside.

“We made it before curfew,” Peter says grumpily, hating that Ben always has to butt in to his moments with Balthazar. “Chill.”

Ben has been watching out militantly for Peter to break the rules ever since his last punishment, but Peter won’t give him the satisfaction. He’s clearly very disappointed that the two of them made it back in time.

“They got back in time, dickface,” Beatrice says from the couch. “Let it go.”

“Movie?” Peter asks Balthazar quietly once Ben’s focus shifts to Bea.

Balthazar keeps one arm crossed over his stomach and shakes his head. “Nah, I think I’m gonna get some work done before bed."

“Yeah, alright,” Peter says easily, mindful of the camera running a few feet away. He wants to ask about tomorrow, but he decides to quit while he’s ahead.

The next evening, after they finish up dinner and most of the flat splits up for their own things, Peter watches Balthazar head back to his own room.

He follows a few minutes later and leans against Balthazar’s doorframe. Balthazar has a textbook open in front of him on the bed, but a guitar in his lap. “Got a few hours ’til curfew,” Peter says. “Wanna check out open mic night?”

“Nah,” Balthazar answers without looking up. “It's always at least a little disappointing.”

“Sure, sure.” Peter shrugs. “We could go ‘round to the store and people-watch?”

Balthazar sets the guitar aside. “I actually have a lot of studying to do,” he admits. “Big history test tomorrow.”

“Oh, ‘course,” Peter says. He starts to back out of Balth’s doorway, but quickly changes his mind. “Why don’t I join you? I could help you study? Or I have some work to do,” he adds when Balthazar looks unsure. “We can have a study night.”

“Yeah, sure,” Balthazar says, running a hand through his hair. He starts to move his stuff to one side off the bed.

“Brilliant.” Peter hurries to grab his books and join Balthazar in his room. He kicks Balth’s door mostly closed behind him and sets up on the opposite corner of the bed.

He starts off working on his creative writing assignment, but after hearing Balthazar sigh several times within a few minutes, he sets it aside. “Need help?”

“I dunno, man, I’ve re-read this page like four times and I’m still not getting the point of it.”

“Do you mind if I...?” he asks, reaching for the book. Balthazar hands it over in answer. “Oh yeah, alright,” he says, remembering this from when he took the class.

He reaches for items nearby - an unsurprising number of instruments - to use as props to summarize those years of history. He’s always understood things like this better when he could visualize them.

“Cool,” Balthazar says when he’s done. “That totally makes sense.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Thanks, man.”

“No problem,” Peter says with a shrug, setting aside all the props. He goes back to his writing assignment with renewed fervor and finishes up pretty quickly.

His plan is to switch over to _Faustus_ next, as Costa’s been on him lately about having all of his lines completely memorized. But before he can make himself focus on it, he watches Balthazar run his hand through his hair. It sticks up in all directions, even more than usual, and Peter finds himself smiling.

Of course, that’s when Balthazar looks up and catches him staring. “What?” Balthazar says with a nervous smile.

“Nothing, sorry,” Peter says, ducking his head briefly. “Your hair really does defy nature sometimes.”

Balthazar’s hand goes up to his hair immediately to pat it down.

Peter reaches out to stop him, scooting closer on the bed. “No, leave it. I didn’t say it was a bad thing.”

“I never know with you,” Balthazar says with a small smile as Peter runs his fingers through his hair lightly to make it stick up again.

Balthazar starts batting his hand away after a few seconds, and that’s when Ben busts into the room.

“Ah ha!” Ben yells, accusatory, but Peter fixes him with a blank look. Well, maybe more annoyed than blank.

“What do you want, Benedick?” he says tiredly, sitting back on the bed.

“You guys are in each other’s rooms a lot lately,” Ben says from behind the camera, “and frankly, how do we know you’re really following the rules?”

“Jesus,” Peter mumbles, and then continues louder, “we’re literally just studying. Don’t you have this test too?”

“I do, and I’d like to be able to focus on it.”

“By all means,” Peter says with a dramatic gesture towards the door.

Ben is quiet for a moment, but finally concludes, “No, I need you where I can see you.”

“Ben, please,” Balthazar says, finally losing patience. “I need to do well on this test.”

Ben looks torn. “Well,” he begins, “I guess as an alternative I can leave the camera running in here while you work…”

Balthazar shrugs. “That’s fine,” he says, and Ben briefly puts the camera down while he goes to fetch the tripod.

“Are you sure?” Peter asks, still angry at Ben but worried that Balthazar is just giving in again even though he’s not happy. “I can go if you want. That’ll probably shut him up.”

“No, you explain this stuff really well,” he says, and Peter feels inordinately pleased. “And honestly, I’m pretty used to ignoring the camera.”

“Yeah, it’s not like we’re _breaking any rules_ ,” Peter says, adding emphasis as Ben returns with the tripod.

After Ben is apparently satisfied with his setup, Peter and Balthazar go back to studying separately. Peter focuses on his lines almost to spite Ben - he hopes Ben has to watch every second of this footage just to see them staring at their books.

He’s not sure how much time has passed when Balthazar sighs heavily and claps his book shut. “I need to take a break, I think,” he says. He gestures at Peter’s copy of _Faustus_. “Maybe I can help you run lines?”

“Yeah, that’d be great,” Peter says eagerly. Balthazar had been a huge help the last time they had run lines together, so he picks a scene he’s been having trouble with. He lets himself drop into character as best he can and jumps in following Balthazar’s cue. The lines flow more easily this time, thanks to all the time he’s spent reading and rereading through them, and also thanks to the fact that it’s Balthazar he’s jumping off of. He finds their natural rapport working its way into their dialogue and wonders distantly if he’ll be able to use that when he goes back to rehearsals with the rest of the cast.

They wrap up the scene, and Peter feels better about it than he ever has. And if it gave him an excuse to get in Balthazar’s space more than usual, so much the better.

“Thanks, mate, that actually really helped me,” Peter says.

“Yeah? Cool. Think maybe you could quiz me?” Balthazar asks, reaching for his textbook.

“Sure,” Peter agrees, resuming his position on the corner of the bed. He turns to the chapter Balthazar indicates and starts coming up with questions. When he asks one that stumps Balthazar, he does his best to explain the answer in context.

They get to one full section that Balthazar admits he doesn’t remember at all, so Peter flips through the book. “Oh, there’s actually a really helpful timeline hidden here in the back of the book,” he says with an eyeroll. He scoots across the bed to stretch out next to Balthazar, his back against the wall. It’s nice after being hunched over for so long.

“See, this puts it in better context,” Peter explains, going on to talk about the events in a way that he understands them. Balthazar nods along and comments when appropriate until he seems to get it.

Peter hands back the book and waves off Balthazar’s thanks. He reaches for _Faustus_ and resumes his own studying, but doesn’t move from his current position, with his shoulder pressed warmly against Balthazar’s.

He loses track of time as he reads through his lines. He finds himself reading the same things. Over and over.

He decides to rest his eyes.

Just for a minute.

 

He wakes up suddenly to a dark room. He turns slightly to see Balthazar sleeping next to him, not quite close enough that they’re touching.

He thinks about going back to his room, knowing that the camera is rolling. He doesn’t move much for exactly that reason. But Balthazar hadn’t woken him up before he turned out the light. He decides he’ll take whatever punishment he might receive, dozing off with that in mind.

When he wakes up next, it’s light out and Balthazar’s head is on his shoulder. He realizes his misguided, sleepy mistake from the middle of the night as he curls in toward Balthazar, because they’re going to get punished just like they were last time. That had hurt Balthazar way more than it hurt him.

Still, it’s too late now, so he may as well enjoy it. He snuggles a bit closer to Balthazar, just contemplating throwing his arm over him (or would that wake him up?) when Balthazar’s eyes snap open.

Peter freezes briefly with his hand in the air and quickly drops it.

“Morning,” Balthazar murmurs as he rubs at his eyes. He moves away from Peter’s shoulder, and Peter instantly feels cold.

“Shit,” Peter says. “We’re probably going to get punished. I’m sorry, man, it’s totally my fault. I’ll tell the others only to punish me.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Balthazar says with a smirk. “They can’t prove anything.”

“Um,” Peter says, gesturing toward the camera, still focused on the bed.

“So it turns out you can’t leave the camera filming indefinitely without the memory running out. I don’t know when it stopped recording, but it was before I went to sleep. So I just didn’t worry about it.”

Peter stares at him in awe for a second. “That’s brilliant. D’you think I still have time to sneak back to my room?”

“Worth a shot,” Balthazar says with an easy smile. Peter wants so desperately to kiss him right now. It would almost feel natural, to lean in before he gets out of bed. But no, that’s not what Balthazar wants. If he’s going to win him over, he’s got to do it within the confines of the rules.

“Good luck with your test,” he says, brushing Balthazar’s arm as he gets up. “You’ll do great.”

The living room looks clear when he peeks out, and he’s so very quiet as he crosses the space. But then Meg sits straight up on the couch, looking directly at him. A giant grin spreads across her face, and she gives him two thumbs up that seem to form a question. He shakes his head but smiles, and she twists her mouth to the side in apparent disappointment. He holds one finger to his mouth and crosses the rest of the way to his room, shutting the door carefully.

He manages a couple more hours of sleep before sounds of frustration echoing through the flat wake him up. Ben throws open his door not even a second later, brandishing the camera and muttering about cheating and rule breaking.

“What are you on about?” Peter says, exaggerating his yawn.

“I know you broke the rules!” Ben exclaims.

“No I didn’t. Check the video,” he suggests.

“Oh, haha, just check the video, what a brilliant idea!” Ben says in a higher voice. “I _can’t_. Because _somebody_ made the camera fill up so that nothing was recorded after your little quiz session.”

Peter stretches and heads past Ben to the kitchen. The camera had cut off even earlier than he’d thought. “I need coffee for this conversation.”

Freddie, Meg, and Beatrice are already in the kitchen, and Peter blesses them silently because the coffee is already made.

“So you’re saying the camera _didn’t_ record the whole night like it was supposed to,” Peter confirms.

“Oh, don’t pretend like you don’t know,” Ben says.

“How was I to know? You’re the one that set it up.”

“What happened after it cut off, then?”

“When was that again? After I quizzed Balthazar?” he asks, and Ben nods. “I studied lines for a little while, I got tired, I went to bed.”

Ben taps his foot impatiently. “I don’t believe you.” He turns to the ladies at the table. “Did any of you see anything?”

Peter makes direct eye contact with Meg, silently promising her a shopping trip or whatever she wants to keep quiet about this. He swears she’ll hold him to it when she looks contemplative and says, “I think I may have heard him for a second when he went back to his room. What was it, like 1?”

“Something like that,” Peter says. He turns back to Ben. “Satisfied? Don’t you have that history test to get to? Balthazar’s already gone.”

“I’ll be fine,” Ben says, but he moves out of the room fairly quickly. “And don’t think this is over!"

Peter waits by the door and stops Ben from leaving immediately. “Look,” he says, still working out the words as he goes, “I really want to work things out with him. I’d appreciate if you’d stop trying to prevent it from happening.”

Ben’s eyes soften. “Okay,” he finally says. “Just, try to do it without breaking the rules. The rest of us have.”

Peter nods and moves away from the door. Ben rushes out, clearly later for his test than he’d let on. Peter’s glad he caught him, though, and that he seemed to understand. He feels like he’s crossed another hurdle.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meg and Peter have a talk, and Peter talks about his feelings.

The next time Peter has a shift at Navarre, Meg stops by.

“Where’s everyone else?” Peter asks, raising his voice a bit over the din.

“Bea and Ben are on a date, Freddie’s doing whatever it is she does, and I’m sure you have a better idea of where _Balthazar_ is than I do,” she says, adding a melodic lilt to Balth’s name.

Peter rolls his eyes. “He’s probably at home working on a song. He mentioned the other day that he had a new idea for one.”

“Okay, so catch me up,” she demands, pulling up a chair at the bar. “Why on earth did you agree to these rules? And why are you letting them keep you from your _man_?”

“You should probably order something,” Peter suggests, crossing his arms.

“Your finest beer, and answers to my questions please.”

Peter gets to work making her drink, trying to decide how much to reveal. “It’s complicated,” he says, and she rolls her eyes. “I know, but it is. At this point, I’m just trying to prove to him that I’m not the horrible person he thinks I am.”

“Oh please,” Meg scoffs. “He thinks you hung the moon. If anyone thinks you’re a horrible person, it’s not Balthazar.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Peter says as he finishes up her drink and slides it over.

“It _means_ that maybe you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. And tell the guy how you feel for Christ’s sake!”

“I tried that,” Peter reminds her. He knows she’s seen the videos.

“Not really,” she says, giving him a challenging look.

He sighs. “Fine, whatever. Look, I’ve got other customers, so if the interrogation’s over?”

“Not even close,” she says, “but go ahead and help them. I’ll be right here.”

Peter can’t help but smile as he walks away. It’s nice to know that someone’s on his side in this.

***

Peter tries to be a bit more obvious the next few times he asks Balthazar out, but he’s not sure it sounds any different from usual.

They’re on their now-regular Boyet’s run when something happens to interrupt the routine. Balthazar is gone to the bathroom when a random guy approaches Peter and asks to borrow the creamer from their table.

“Oh, yeah, no problem,” Peter says, handing it over without even really looking up from his phone.

“Maybe I could get your number too?” the guy continues.

Peter glances up in surprise to see the guy’s interested expression. “Oh, uh,” he says, flustered, “I’m actually here with someone.”

The guy nods, resigned.

“Yeah, mate, not that I’m not flattered, just, y’know,” he bobs his head back and forth, “sorta taken.”

The guy’s eyes slide to somewhere over Peter’s shoulder and he nods again, this time looking more like he gets it. “Cheers,” he says, holding up the creamer and walking away.

Balthazar is right behind Peter, as it turns out, and when Peter turns back, Balthazar says, “Ready to go?”

They walk back in companionable silence for a few minutes, making their way down some stairs when Balthazar says, “You didn’t have to turn that guy down, you know. Not just ‘cause of me.”

Peter laughs, but when he glances over, Balth won’t meet his eye. “Wait, are you serious?”

Balthazar shrugs, and Peter stops in his tracks. Meg was right. Balthazar really doesn’t get it.

“Balthazar,” he says seriously, and Balth stops a couple of steps down, looking vaguely up in his direction. Peter licks his lips absently, trying to figure out what he wants to say. “Look, I know I… did things wrong, with us, and I sure as hell don’t want to fuck things up again, but…,” he pauses, his mind casting about for the right words and not landing on anything. Balthazar finally meets his gaze, and he says in a rush, “I don’t want to date anyone else.”

Peter can't read the emotions flickering across Balthazar's face, but he thinks he catches a brief smile. "Oh," Balthazar eventually says. "Alright."

"Yeah?" Peter asks, surprised that's all Balthazar has to say after Peter laid it all out there. Maybe he needs time to think it over.

They resume walking, and Balthazar starts talking about his latest song. Peter welcomes the change of subject, needing a moment to return his heart rate to normal. He finally said it. Now he just has to wait.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there are misunderstandings, shenanigans, and discussions about feelings.

They’re just getting started on a flat challenge one night when it all comes to a head. Peter, Meg, and Bea are meant to be teamed up against Balthazar, Freddie, and Ben in a game of Catchphrase.

Peter bemoans the choice of the challenge, because he dated someone that was _way too into_ Catchphrase. “Can we at least not do the ‘rhymes with this’ clue? That’s always such a cop-out.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s already one of the rules,” Beatrice points out.

“Yeah, it is,” Freddie adds. “And no ‘starts with’ and no using part of the clue.”

“You should really fact-check the people you’re dating,” Ben suggests. “Don’t just take their word for it.”

“Yeah, great advice, thank you,” Peter says sarcastically, though he’s laughing.

Balthazar glances from the camera to Peter. “So uh, when do you think you’ll start dating again, Pete?”

Peter sets down the game and stares back at Balthazar, unable to comprehend what he’s just heard at first.

“What?” Meg says with a laugh.

“Okay,” Peter decides, addressing Balthazar directly, “you and I have to go outside right now.”

He catches everyone else exchanging worried looks as they head out the door, but ignores them to focus on Balthazar. 

Once outside, Peter gives himself a minute to pace before he says anything. Because he’s angry, but not at Balthazar. He’s angry at himself for constantly getting this wrong.

“Look, I didn’t mean to like, upset you or whatever,” Balthazar says.

“I’m not upset,” Peter says, then realizes that isn’t true. “Okay, I am upset. I’m just trying to work out where I went wrong.”

“It wasn’t really that important of a question,” Balthazar deflects.

Peter shoots him a doubtful look. He knows Balthazar wouldn’t have asked if it weren't important. And obviously he hadn’t understood Peter if he even had to ask.

“Can we just… talk to each other for real for a minute?" Peter says. "No cameras, no songs, just talking. Once and for all.”

Balthazar pulls his sleeves over his hands, a sure sign that he’s nervous, but he nods. 

“We can start small,” Peter suggests with a tentative smile. “What if we start hypothetically?”

Balthazar shrugs. “Sure.”

Peter sits down on the porch, leaning back against the outside wall of the flat and inviting Balthazar to join him. “Okay so, hypothetically, if you went out with the guy of your dreams, where would you want to go?”

“Like, anywhere?”

“Like, a perfect date. On a random Friday.”

“A concert, probably. Or just like, on a walk. Enjoying the company.”

“Sure, yeah. Makes sense.” Peter rubs his eyes, trying not to get frustrated. “Okay. So you and I went to a concert, like, two weeks ago. And we go for walks at least once a week.”

“Yeah,” Balthazar says slowly, “but I’m talking about, y’know, a real date.”

“So am I,” Peter says quietly.

Balthazar looks confused. “Are we still being hypothetical?”

“Not even a little bit."

Balthazar shoots him a skeptical look. “So your idea of a perfect date is going for a walk,” he says dubiously. “Since when?”

"My idea of a date is going wherever you want to go," Peter says carefully.

Balthazar picks at the weeds in the cracks of the concrete for a second. "Can we start over?" he asks, turning toward Peter. "I thought you weren't dating anyone."

“Why not?”

“That’s what you said the other day, after that guy asked you out. You aren’t dating anyone right now.” Peter feels his stomach sink as he thinks back to that day at Boyet’s, but Balthazar continues, “I guess I was just worried about when that would end, and I’d lose you again.”

"I want to be with you,” Peter says desperately. “I don't want to date anyone _else_. That's what I was trying to say."

"Pete," Balth says, rubbing his eyes with his sleeve, "I can't do this with you again."

Peter feels his throat tightening up. Here it comes. The final, no-coming-back-from-it rejection.

But Balthazar barrels on, oblivious to Peter's thoughts. "I just... I can't do casual."

"I can't either," Peter says immediately, his voice strained. "Not with you. I fucking love you, Balthazar."

Balthazar looks at him, and the disbelief that flashes across his expression breaks Peter's heart.

"I do. I love you. I guess that's what I've been trying to tell you."

Balthazar searches his expression, and Peter lets him, trying to make him see that this is for real.

He blinks, and then realizes Balthazar is leaning toward him, his eyes focused on Peter's lips. Peter's breath hitches, and he doesn't close his eyes this time, not until their lips really touch.

They reach for each other at the same time, Balthazar framing Peter's face with his hands to deepen the kiss while Peter grabs fistfuls of Balthazar's t-shirt to pull him closer. 

When Balthazar eventually breaks the kiss, his breathing is ragged. Peter realizes Balthazar is practically in his lap, and his breathing's pretty labored too.

"Wow," Peter breathes.

"Yeah."

"Finally," Peter concludes, lacing his fingers through Balthazar's.

"Are you sure?" Balthazar asks, biting his lip.

"Oh my god," Peter says, exasperated and a little giddy. “ _Yes_. I tried to write you a song, actually. That seems to be the thing to do around here. But it didn't make sense without your music."

Balthazar looks at him like he hung the moon. Peter has never understood that expression, but he can see it now in the brief seconds before Balthazar climbs further into his space and kisses him desperately.

He's not sure how much time passes after that. He's too busy making up for lost time with Balthazar.

"Hey guys?" comes a hesitant voice, a bit distant, but definitely not welcome. Balthazar sits back a bit, but he leaves one warm hand on the back of Peter's neck. Peter glares at Ben and hopes Balthazar's doing the same. "Don't kill me! I just wanted to tell you... it's 9:55."

Balthazar turns back to him and Peter sees his own thoughts echoed back in Balthazar's eyes. "Fuck off, Ben!" Peter says just before Balthazar moves back in to make the most of the next five minutes. 

***

Back inside, Peter demands a puppy pile and movie, since they've done it so often before for Beatrice and Benedick. If he and Balthazar have side conversations more than there is dialogue in the movie, well, they can all get over it.

“What do you wanna do tomorrow?” Peter asks at one point.

“Boyet’s?” Balthazar suggests. “Oh, and I wanna hear this song you’ve been working on.”

Peter feels his cheeks burning. “I don’t know if there’s really anything to _hear_ …”

“Still,” Balthazar says. He looks so happy, and it takes every ounce of Peter’s self control not to kiss him, because he knows this time Balthazar would let him.

Saying goodnight is tough. Balthazar fits against him perfectly when Peter goes for a hug, but he has to keep a mental count to make sure they don't pass a full minute.

"Hang on," Balthazar says, pulling away far too soon.

He comes back with his phone, and Peter watches him set his timer for one minute before setting it aside and moving back into Peter's arms. Peter lets himself get lost in the warmth of him for the brief seconds they have, and when the alarm goes off, he presses his lips briefly to Balthazar's temple before moving away.

The next day, Peter wakes up at 6:30 and knows he's never falling back asleep. He gets up and makes coffee, and at exactly 7:00, he knocks on Balthazar's door. "G'morning," he says affectionately as Balthazar knuckles the sleep out of his eyes.

"Morning," Balthazar says lazily, running his hand through his hair and making it stand up even more.

"Do you wanna go outside with me?" Peter asks, almost hearing the question as an echo from a distant past. "I made coffee."

"Yeah, alright," Balthazar says, standing up and pulling his blanket with him.

They sit out on the porch in what Peter is quickly labeling their spot. He hands Balthazar his coffee before settling in beside him.

“If you wanted to kiss me, I should probably warn you, I’ve got some pretty serious morning breath right now,” Balthazar says.

“Okay, first of all, I will always want to kiss you, morning breath or not,” Peter says as he laces their fingers together. “But that wasn’t why I wanted you to come outside. I just wanted to spend time with you without worrying about the rules.”

Balthazar leans into him a bit, smiling and sipping at his coffee. They spend some time like that, enjoying the nice day and each other’s company. Balthazar finally breaks the silence, saying, "I never said it, yesterday."

"Said what?" Peter asks, squeezing Balthazar's hand.

"I mean, it probably doesn't come as a surprise or anything, but," he rubs the back of his neck with his other hand. "I love you too."

Peter looks back at him, his heart in his throat, but Balthazar doesn't stop there.

"I've liked you for an embarrassingly long time, actually. So long that I think I convinced myself it was never going to happen."

"I messed up," Peter admits. "A bunch of times."

Balthazar shakes his head. "I needed time to figure some stuff out," he says. "I messed up too. If I'd listened to you more we might not have had to deal with the rules at all."

"I think the rules kinda helped me, though," Peter says. "A bit," he adds when Balthazar shoots him a disbelieving look. "Oh god, don't tell the others."

Balthazar snickers. "I thought you hated the rules."

"Mostly just when they keep me from being with you. And I kinda miss bacon." Balthazar laughs along with him, knocking his shoulder into Peter's.

"So, you love me," Peter says.

"Yeah," Balthazar answers on an exhale.

"And I love you."

"Seems that way," Balthazar says, a bit more easily.

"I'm going to kiss you now."

"Alright," Balthazar says, smiling, and meets him halfway.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Please come talk to me about LoLiLo on [tumblr](http://candidlily.tumblr.com/)!


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